three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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