i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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