Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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