It's like God shit irony all over that family
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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