So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
