I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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