whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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