I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
