Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize