How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Soap is not a condiment
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
