watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
