im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
