The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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