help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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