I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
