If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
