If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
