Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
