So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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