im drinking this country out of the recession.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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