Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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