I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
