nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
