she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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