Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my liver is dry heaving
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
