I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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