Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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