I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
