I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
