glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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