When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
