Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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