its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
