What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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