But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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