I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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