Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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