you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
