Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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