just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Vodka?
Forever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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