im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
