This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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