there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize