dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
