Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
