if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She told me I should be a condom model.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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