Don't you send me to vm
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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