I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Even my vagina gasped.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
