the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
