I need to stop coming to work sober
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
