My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
