In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
