Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
