My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
