I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
