Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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