the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize