dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I enjoy the company of your penis
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
