Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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