We won't sleep together?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
