it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize