this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
