I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
