Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
