She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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