It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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