Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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