My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
