Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize