I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
