you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
