I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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