He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
