Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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