well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
