He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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