Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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