Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
