Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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